Fortitude
by Medalis
Summary: TFA, Minor AU - "Those optics, impossibly blue with the intensity of a sun, broke her fortitude every time." OP/BA E1 . Written for the 100 Themes Challenge. Warning: complete and utter sap.


_Number 20 of the 100 Themes Challenge._

_The moment I saw the word 'Fortitude', and looked it up, this came to mind. It kinda… evolved from the original plot bunny after that._

_OP/BA(E1) [yaaaa!], mention of SP/E1 [boooooo!]._

_**---**_

_**Fortitude**_

It was a miracle she was standing here, that she had mustered up enough courage to contact him. After that, she felt like all the words she wanted to say to him, all the courage she built up, all of it had just flouted away like leaves in a stream.

Those optics, impossibly blue with the intensity of a sun, broke her fortitude every time.

Her hands shook, those optics reminding her why she had always felt uncomfortable around him. Why she avoided looking him in the optics, why she felt so shy around him.

She had broken him, turned the mech who once smiled warmly at anyone into someone who didn't remember what it was like to be happy. He was practically a god to her; and she had broken his spark into tiny pieces.

"Elita."

That wasn't her name. Not anymore. But still… it sounded so sweet coming from him.

"Why did you call me here?" his voice, usually strong and deep, was little more than a whisper. It still made her shiver.

_I wanted to tell you how important you are to me, what a big mistake I made by choosing Sentinel over you. _"I wanted to talk."

His burning blue optics stared right through her, seeming to glance into her very spark. Her spark quivered in its casing, feeling the call his own unbonded spark was unknowingly sending her.

She should have obeyed that call long ago. But she didn't. And now, she could never have him.

"About what?" he questioned. His head tilted slightly, barely enough to be noticed, but she saw it anyway. She had long since learned to look for the barest of movements from him.

"…" she was silent. Those optics made the words she prepared, the words she recited over and over and over again before he responded to her request. She looked at him again, preferring to remain silent.

He hadn't changed much. He had gotten taller, and he finally fully grew into his once awkwardly large limbs and sculpted mouth. His servos had sharpened a little, and in several vorns he might have claws. His expression was cold, but emotionless, just as he had been trained to look like at the Academy.

"I… I heard you got kicked out of the Academy after the… incident."

It was a lame topic, but a topic none-the-less. Maybe it would loosen him a little, make him open up to the one being who wanted him more than anything.

"Yes, I was expelled. I took full blame for the incident on Archa-Seven." So blunt, but so broken too. He didn't deserve _any_ blame; he had tried to stop them from going, telling them it was too risky, but they didn't listen. They, she and Sentinel, both thought they could overcome anything. He had paid the price. Her organic half was nothing compared to his pain.

"Whatever happened to Sentinel?"

His sculpted mouth twisted ever-so-slightly, displaying a hint of anger. That hint was nothing compared to the anger he was holding back. He was good at holding his emotions back.

"He stayed. He is Second in Command of the Elite Guard, and on his way to becoming Magnus." There was an edge to his voice, a hint of hatred. No. Not hate. He didn't hate anyone or anything. He just didn't like Sentinel.

The silence was deafening, so to speak. He looked away, intense blue optics staring off to the side. She looked down, staring at his large feet.

"Blackarachnia…"

"Y-yes?" she looked back up at him, meeting his optics for a split second, before looking down again.

"Why did you ask me to meet you?"

She shivered under his intense gaze, hugging herself. She suddenly felt cold. "I told you…"

"You lied. Tell me the truth."

She blinked once in shock, optics and eyes widening. How...?

His lips were twisted slightly, optics narrowed only a little. But that was enough to alert her to his building frustration.

"I wanted to see you." She finally admitted.

He stared, before sighing. "Why?"

She didn't say anything more, afraid her spark might take control and fling herself at him, and beg him to bond with her, to _love _her like she loved him.

"Elli…" he sighed, as if her name tasted good when he said it. His optics, whole in form, broken in spark, stared at her emptily. "I _hurt_ you. I… I don't deserve even _talking_ to you. Why do you still want to be anywhere near me?"

If he was anyone else, she would think it was unneeded self-pity. But it wasn't self-pity; it was unspeakable _pain_. The incident had been traumatic, for all of them, and it had been the final straw that had broken him into tiny shards.

She took a few steps forward, standing directly in front of him. Her hands grasped his chin, turning it downwards so they could look each-other in the optics.

"Orion…" her hands gently stroked his face. He looked at her, optics revealing nothing.

"You haven't called me that in a long time…" he said, too softly, leaning into her touch. A slightly-clawed hand gently covered her own, and warmth ghosted down her partially organic arm.

She smirked at him, leaning forward on the tip of her pedes.

"You call me 'Elita' and 'Ariel' all the time. I get to call you 'Orion', _hero_."

They locked optics, satin red against intense blue, and she felt how warm his body was. She had always noticed that his core temperature seemed to be higher than other mechs, but that never bothered her. She quite liked it actually; it was comforting, to say the least.

Without thinking, without realizing what she was doing, she leaned up further, lips brushing over his.

His optics flashed almost a blinding white, and he pulled away from her, taking a few steps back. She blinked, before noticing the purple-ish smudge on his lips, and her hands flew upwards to cover her mouth.

_I… I kissed him… _

He stared at her with his intense optics, a hand lifting to wipe at his sculpted mouth, erasing all physical evidence that she had pressed her lips against his. He stood straight, lapsing back into his unmovable and untouchable aura.

They stared each-other down, before she looked at her feet with flushed cheeks. She felt his optics staring at her, before the feeling disappeared and she heard the sound of him walking away. She looked upwards again, seeing his retreating figure getting farther away.

_No! Please… come back! _

"O-Optimus!" she ran after him, and he stopped at the sound of his name. Without thinking, she threw her arms around him to the best of her ability, and leaned her cheek against the panel on his back.

He was silent, and didn't move. She looked up at the back of his helm, satin red optics dim and wide.

"Optimus…"

"Please let go of me." He said, almost too quietly to hear. She released him, stepping back as he turned around to peer down at her with slightly-narrowed blue optics.

"Optimus… I'm sorry for…" she started, but he placed a slightly-clawed servo on her dark lips, silencing her.

"Do not apologize. Nothing is your fault." He said, staring at her sadly. "It was mine. I did not consider that--"

"It was mine and Sentinel's idea to go." She interrupted, pulling his servo away with her hand. "You told us it was a bad idea. We didn't listen."

He remained silent, but something in his intense gaze told her that he didn't believe her. She was trying to piece him back together; but he stubbornly remained broken.

The damage had been done. She couldn't fix him. Nothing could fix him.

She couldn't fix herself, either.

He wrapped his huge arms around her, his slightly-clawed hands gently petting her helmet. He murmured soft words into her audio, pressing his lips gently against her helmet crest.

"Elli…" she looked up at him, meeting his intense optics again. "I…"

_I love you. _

He didn't say that. Instead, he pulled away and turned in the direction of the nearby city. "I have to go. My team will be wondering where I am."

He started to walk away, back straight as a board.

"I will… see you later." His voice was soft, and she barely heard him. He transformed into his Semi-Truck mode, and drove away. She stood there, silent, optics trained on his retreating figure.

Her fortitude completely shattered, and she fell to her knees and wept.


End file.
